What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 01:09
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
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When she asked me how she looked .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
This is soul school!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why are daughters mean to their mothers?
We all went to grammer schools
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Do you think the number of sissies is on the rise?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I write beautiful poetry .
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was scared of men, in general
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That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Where can I sell naked pics of myself online?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Have you ever been forced into bestiality?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She found it foreign!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was very sick at this time too.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why did i forgive my father ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But it wasn’t much.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Put me off passion for life!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One cannot live in the past .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He knew the spot.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My family never makes their pension either.
Was to survive, this bastard.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My life is so biszare .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I will be 64.
All the time i was locked up.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It was going to be , some day.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I couldn’t, believe it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im still living with it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She married twice! .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She loved him until the end.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So whats the point in blame.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What did i know ?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Would this be the day?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So, i spoilt her more .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I don,t even have a pension.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I said to her
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was 9 years of age.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Ive learnt so much.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Comes on , in middle age.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I think the readers, may guess!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We were not on the streets..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And i lived it daily.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But, we were locked up after school.
She was in good health!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Who then, do I blame.?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She wouldn,t have been !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I waited trembling.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I have no regrets .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I could never make a relationship work though!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was seconnd youngest,
He was dying to do it , i knew.